Life Flows On

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:42:56 GMT

I can't stand it when non-religious types critize religious types for "not feeding the homeless or *insert act of kindness here* with their money...but don't do shit themselves to better the world.

That's all, carry on..

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 12:03:47 GMT

Well I was going to go to bed, but I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. I get dizzy laying down, my heart kind of hurts, I feel like at any moment I'm going to die. Panic attack! So I'm back online, I'm staying up until I fall asleep where I sit. I kind of want to wake Jason up, make him keep me company, but I hate doing that. He'll probably scold me for not waking him up.

This boy loves to eat more than anyone I've ever met/fed. He never turns down food and when I serve him something, anything, he acts like I just presented him with solid gold sprinkled with diamonds. Often his response is: "Are you kidding me?" or "Oooh my GOD, you're amazing" Tonight we're laying out there watching a movie....

...let me pause and explain our outside area. We don't have a TV in the house, we prefer to be outside as much as possible. So we have this little outside living room. A giant TV under a tarp, two couches, a recliner, a fire pit, our bbq's..it's where we spend most of our time.

...So! We're laying on the futon, he's sleeping, I can't sleep, watching A Knights Tale, and Bethany gets home. She was the designated driver for the evening and brought 3 of our friends home drunk. So she walks by and says: "I'm making some burritos, do you guys want some." And he actually wakes up and in a sleepy voice says: "how big are they?" Me & Bethany crack up, he lays there all sleepy going: "Um...hmm" and I said: "He totally wants one" and he just smiled, closed his eyes and nodded his head. The other day he was leaving & we were outside, Bethany told him there was some oatmeal with fresh peaches in the kitchen if he wanted some before he left. He stopped walking, got this dreamy look on his face & turned around and went right back inside.

Anyway - here are some pictures of me and Rita..I'm sleepy, maybe I'll try this again.

and my new tattoo :)

Aaand the roosters are crowing back & forth, another good reason to sleep inside.

Good morning!

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 18:49:37 GMT

In case you were wondering, this is my boyfriend and my Rita:

I'm mad about him. He has me thinking things I haven't thought in a loooong time about anyone. Things like moving in together, running off and getting hitched immediately, having 10 of his babies..this man is amazing and he's crazy about me. </gush>

Me!

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 06:47:20 GMT

I AM: shrouded in darkness
I WANT: to see San Francisco from a boat at night
I HAVE: a talent for bread-making
I WISH: I could fly
I HATE: no man
I MISS: Mel
I FEAR: Aliens, even tho I don't believe they exist (lovely being me)
I HEAR: strange things at night
I SEARCH: for peace
I WONDER: wonder, wonder, wonder, who, who wrote the book of love?
I REGRET: not saying goodbye to him
I ALWAYS: feel solitude like a river
I AM NOT: unhappy
I DANCE: when no one's looking
I SING: along with EVERYING, and I'm sure it's annoying
I CRY: once a month
I WRITE: sad things
I WIN: rarely...
I LOSE: and then I get pissed!
I CONFUSE: panic attacks with being very near deaths door
I NEED: Mel and maybe a large bottle of wine, definitely both
I SHOULD: go to sleep

Your turn..

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 04:36:00 GMT

A 52 Week Poem - Week "Darkness"

I Feel (Darkness)

Sometimes I feel the earth move
it startles me and I look around to see if anyones noticed
No one ever has
"Did you just feel that?!"
"Feel what?"
No one ever notices that the earth just shifted
Sometimes I have to steady myself - the move is so substantial
but no one ever feels it but me, why?

Sometimes I feel so alone even in the largest of crowds
Friends, family, everyone's a stranger
Close enough to touch but miles away
I retreat into myself more often than I should
discomfort comes easily to me
aggressively to me
I know that I'm the one that seperates myself
I know that only I leave me out
but within myself is where my comfort is

Sometimes I feel so different...
not better, not worse, just of another sort
Something in my head is not the same as theirs
There's something about the way I see the world
that's not how they see it..
This world frightens me often, soothes me rarely

Sometimes I feel like I'm continually, forever lost
"I was born lost" he wrote - so was I
A sheep among wolves, a wolf among sheep
There's a cloud that hovers always above me
Often the sun peeks through
Often it's the best day of my life
Best day only, not week, never month
because that wind, it changes
the cloud moves back into it's place and covers the sun

"Is there anybody out there?" They sing, and I sing
and I'm not sure there is
It's not just birth & death that we face alone
Sometimes I feel like it's everything in the middle too
This isn't sadness you see in me
It's just solitude of so great a magnitude
that sometimes I feel like a ghost

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:53:41 GMT

I think if you truely love someone you wouldn't ask them (or even want to?) to give up their dream. Loving someone, pure love, is loving them for who they are as they are. If you need or want them to change then I'm not sure if I think you really do love them. I think true love lacks selfishness. Not that you're expected to NOT feel selfish, but maybe acting on it is the problem. Wanting whats best for them even if it means sacrifice for you. Wanting them to do what makes them happy, even if it means sacrifice for you. I don't want anyone giving up anything for me, if I love him, I'll let him be and do what he is and does. And I do. He travels, he'll never settle down completely, he'll always be mostly gone. But I love that about him. Especially now that I understand what it's like to live on tour. There's nothing like it and I could never and would never ask him to give it up to be with me. I feel him near me, I don't feel far away, even though he's on the other side of the country. He's in my heart and that's really the only place I need him to be.

And this guy is on to something.

Gypsys

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 05:32:02 GMT

P.S. Look how cute we are, my friend just sent this to me, this is me and Jesse at the music festival back in May:

Aw, I miss my gypsy boy.

I'm a little bit country

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:35:09 GMT

Today I was up at dawn, picked berries, ate breakfast, jogged in a magical orchard listening to gypsy tunes, picked plums, organized the CRAP out of the house with my sister, made amazing meals out of food from our garden & fruit from our trees...life is good on the farm. My fingers are stained from picking berries, my legs are scratched from gardening, my body is tan, my soul is overflowing with peace, joy & contentment. I'm in love with a beautiful human being, I'm in love with a LOT of beautiful human beings now that I think about it...I see Rita every day and our bond is getting stronger & stronger.

And today we got rid of the TV. I'm fully emersed in this life now. I've never felt more at home.

And that's it :) It's 9:30 and I'm going to bed. Oh..I sleep now by the way..sleep, no ambien, no allergy pills, no alcohol..I just sleep. I love the country! Aand I've been having truely psychic dreams lately...it's weirding me out but I love it.

Ok that's all, that's my update. I love you.

Rita:

And after a blackberry popsicle

-Mary

P.S. Yes..even you..

Tour Dates

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 18:31:39 GMT

So here are the tour dates so far, obviously there's a big gap between August 15th & being back home in September. They are still booking and you can keep udated by going to myspace.com/larryandhisflask.

P.S. It's not on there but we'll be in Detroit on July 29th

Jun 16 2009 8:00P
Silver Moon Brewery w/ Tom Vandenavond Bend, Oregon

Jun 19 2009 10:00P
Cyote Festival, Summer Lakes Hot Springs Paisley, Oregon

Jun 20 2009 12:00P
Rose City Roundup @ Jubitz truck center North Portland, Oregon

Jun 21 2009 3:00P
Cross Keys Pub (early show) Longview, Washington

Jun 22 2009 9:00P
THE BIT SALOON Seattle, Washington

Jun 23 2009 8:00P
Oak Harbor sports bar w/potbelly Oak Harbor, Washington

Jun 24 2009 7:00P
the Empyrean Spokane, Washington

Jun 25 2009 9:00P
Hogan’s Pub Clarkston, Washington

Jun 26 2009 8:00P
Visual Arts Center Boise, Idaho

Jun 27 2009 6:00P
The Coffee Villa Idaho Falls, Idaho

Jun 28 2009 8:00P
1st National Bar Pocotello, Idaho

Jun 29 2009 8:00P
Burt’s Tiki Lounge Salt Lake City, Utah

Jul 2 2009 8:00P
TREA Rapid City, South Dakota

Jul 3 2009 7:00P
Synergy Cafe Cheyenne, Wyoming

Jul 4 2009 9:00P
3 Kings Tavern Denver, Colorado

Jul 7 2009 8:00P
the Downtown Bar Peublo, Colorado

Jul 8 2009 8:00P
TBA (need help) Santa Fe, New Mexico

Jul 9 2009 8:00P
Joliana’s patio party Albuquerque, New Mexico

Jul 10 2009 9:00P
Burt’s Tiki lounge Albuqurque, New Mexico

Jul 11 2009 7:00P
Jason’s place Amarillo, Texas

Jul 12 2009 8:00P
the Blue Note Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Jul 15 2009 9:00P
Kelly’s Irish Pub Wichita, Kansas

Jul 20 2009 7:00P
Holzinger Lodge Winona, Minnesota

Jul 28 2009 8:00P
Metal Shaker Chicago, Illinois

Aug 1 2009 8:00P
Bob’s barn party south east, Indiana

Aug 15 2009 6:00P
the Burdet farm wedding party Cornville, Maine

Sep 25 2009 8:00P
Johnny B’s w/Reverend Dead eye Medford, Oregon

Sep 26 2009 8:00P
Cattlemens Rouge River, Oregon

Where do you go to my lovely..

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:56:31 GMT

I came here to give a me update, but now that I'm sitting here I'm totally blank. There's just too much to tell. I'm out of the city now and living quite comfortably with my sister & I've never been happier. My life is filled with music, almost a constant flow. Especially with Tom in town & there being so many shows. The other night Tom & Wills new band (Chandler, Jacob, Jason, Tom & Will = supergroup) practiced outside my trailer. I was in heaven. Sitting on my front porch used to amplify how alone I was in the big city. Now "my porch" is filled with beautiful men playing beautiful music. I laid there on a gypsy bed full of pillows and listened until they stopped for the night.

I leave for Oregon on Monday & I'll be back late September. I'm so ready to go but it still feels unreal. I was starting to worry about leaving my family for so long, but I was talking to Ian when I realized that there's no need to worry, because they ARE my family in the most magical of ways. Jesse, Ian & Dall..numerous times have proven to me that magic connects us even though we're hundreds of miles apart. When we're all together there's nothing for me to worry about.

I guess that about sums up my life right now. Family & music. What more is there to say?

P.S. I got a twitter account so that I can give updates via my phone while I'm on the road so people can keep track of me. (It's been requested). So if you want to you can follow me at twitter.com/iflowon

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:12:26 GMT

You can read the censored version for the book here as well as see pictures of the boys.

See ya suckers

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:41:02 GMT

The last few days I've felt terrible. Not physically but emotionally & mentally. I feel dark inside, depressed. No reason really whatsoever. My life has been nothing but happy lately. This came out of the blue..well I'm going to assume it's due to extreme lack of sleep mixed with way too much drinking. I need to harness my chi. I don't even know what that means :) But tonight I'm going to do things that make me happy. I'm going to clean and do yoga and play guitar until my fingers hurt. Music can always chase away my demons.

A haunted mandolin has caused trouble for my boys. Coincidentally my dark days started when they purchased it. We are way too connected but I love it. They left it in the desert so hopefully things will look up. I know they will. I'm going to get rid of my proverbial haunted mandolin tonight. I'm done, over it. It's been 4 years that I've clung to these damn things that I thought I needed. But all they do is bring darkness. I don't need them anymore, sorry Stella, time to die.

Who's crazy now? haha, yea, still me.

I'm going to make jumbo prawns now for the bosses and maybe a few for the chef.

Vegas baby

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 07:02:04 GMT

So I'm in Vegas right now and it's crazy...and I wrote a letter to my friend and it pretty accurately explains how I feel in life right now. So the obvious thing to do was post it here :)

Hello my dear - well Vegas has been very strange for me. I'm compelled to write about it so I figured I'd just write about it to you. I'm sitting here right now on my friends laptop in my super fancy hotel room waiting for her and her brother to get here. She works for this marketing firm and one of their clients is opening their show tonight. It's this topless show called "Peep Show" and it stars freaking Scary Spice from the Spice Girls. What the hell? Where am I? Anyway - that's where they are and I'm hiding in my hotel room. I used to live here and love it here. I used to want my whole family to move here so I could have the best of both worlds. I used to feel so comfortable walking the strip, being amongst the tourists and the filth. But I drove in to town Friday and I was just...overwhelmed. Everything was so BIG and artificial and shit...just stupid, everything trying to sell something, everyone trying to be bigger & better than the next. I used to love the lights because I thought they were beautiful and whatever...but now it's just all so fake and I don't know, like those lights in those bug killers. The bugs flock to them but the light just kills them. Vegas is RIDICULOUS Jesse. Then I saw this GIANT structure and the next day when I saw it from the front I was literally scared. It was so big and steel and pointy and just the polar opposite of anything and everything natural and beautiful. Apparently it's the biggest structure currently being built in the entire world right now. I guess steel prices have gone up because this place is using so much steel to be built. It's disgusting and just way way way too big. I don't know,that's just how it makes me feel.

So one of the things I wanted to see while here was the Bellaggios conservatory, it's this (generally) beautiful area in the hotel that they change up every few months with different scuptures or art work or displays. So we go in and in the middle they have all of these butterflies in cages. Real butterflies all caged up. And they had these giant lights that these poor butterflies were trying to get to (like the moth to the flame again). They kept frantically flying into these giant fake lights and it just made me so sad. Butterflies are my favorite animals and to see them caged up like that and trying to fly towards the sun, but instead flying towards these stupid fake lights...it was terrible. I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. Then we're walking down the strip and there are thousands of little fliers for hookers litering the streets. The place is just disgusting......I don't know...I can't wait to leave.

And I got back to the hotel room and I was pretty drunk and Emily had gone to bed. So I wrote you a letter on the fancy Wynn stationary but I'm so not showing it to you because it was drunken and stupid. But I was trying to tell you about the caged butterflies. I was saying that I thought that people now are trying so frantically to get towards the light...but the light they are flying towards isn't real! "Go to college, get a good career because you need money!! get married, have children, buy a house, be rich, buy cars, have this have that...." but that isn't real, that isn't real light, having things isn't going to make you happy. What's real is family and love and friends and music and food....you don't need what people think you need to live a happy & fulfilled life. It made me want to more than ever get rid of everything I own and just defy everything that society tells me I need to do to be a successful person.

Anyway at the end of the letter I said: "Don't ever forget how real the light can seem. Everything I've seen tonight has been ridiculous and fake, but maybe tonight you really are real."

I just love you Jesse. I'm so glad I met you and the boys. You guys make me feel real and right. This place is lonely and sad to me and I'd much much much rather spend my time in that dirty van with you dirty boys talking about leprechans shitting weed than sitting in this fancy hotel eating expensive food looking out on this stupid fucking city any day of my life.

This may all sound stupid, I don't know, but being here has just really made me realize how I'm very much going in the right direction in my life. I mean because I used to live here & want this. And now I want out, I want to go. Whether I go on tour with you guys or not, I'm not talking about that, I'm just talking about me getting the hell out of Sac and moving to the country and all that.....that's what I need, that's where I need to be and you guys are the reason I made this decision. Something about you and the way you live inspired me to go and get out and get real. And I'll just love you forever for it.

Ok I'll stop now :) I feel chatty right now and could keep typing forever. Jesse what people pay big money for in this town is fucking crazy. I can't wait to be with you guys again.

So that's where I am in my life. I really don't mean to insult anyone that wants what I don't want...I hope what you are going for makes you happy, really I do, but for me, what I'm supposed to want doesn't make me happy. To me happiness is nothingness...music...family...I don't know..I don't feel like I know how to properly explain it.

I'm a little drunk now so I'm going to stop. Oh my god I just spent $8 on chocolate covered almonds. I need Emily to come back before I buy more things from the mini bar.........

P.S. Hey Tim - I have your candy bars plus some extra Vegasy stuff for you. But if you think you're getting some of my $8 almonds you're mistaken.

Writer's Block: What is your name?

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:00:50 GMT

If you were to have another name, what would it be?

Submitted By crazyprotein

View 500 Answers

Lucy......I don't have to tell you where I am and what I have with me...........

Name that book

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 04:51:32 GMT

As most of you know I'm writing a cookbook. If you don't know...well..I'm writing a cookbook about food & music. I get to travel around this summer with this kickass band; I'll be documenting our travels and this will be the running theme. I've also got (currently) over 40 artists & musicians from all around the world writing stories about their own musical journey & influences and these stories will be scattered throughout. My intention is to share the joy of food & music using my own voice and the voices of artists from different cultures throughout America.

THAT SAID - I need a title! I've been calling this All You Need Is Food since the beginning but I'm not in love with it anymore. I feel like there's something else out there. I'm sure of it. So...I need your help. Does anyone have any brilliant suggestions for a book name? If I pick it I'll write a haiku about you and put it in the book, I swear.

Thanks y'all!

I can see the end of the road, honey

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:18:42 GMT

Today for lunch I had a grilled portabella mushroom, soft, creamy brie, vine-ripe tomatoes on whole wheat bread with an avocado spread made of avocado, mayo, garlic, lime juice, lemon juice, salt & pepper. The brie melted every so gently onto the hot-off-the-grill mushroom and I fell madly in love with myself all over again. Needless to say that falling in love with myself thing happens almost on a daily basis.

Cheese is to me what crack is to someone wearing a wife-beater and looking disheveled on Cops. My mouth waters when it's near, I almost can't control myself and the feeling I get when I eat it is....well....this is a PG blog so I'll just say it makes me weak in the knees. I mean shit, have you ever had hot melty brie on soft sour dough bread?? If you haven't I feel sorry for you. Or maybe I feel sorry for me. I almost threw a whole wedge of brie out today because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself around it. Luckily for the cheese I realized that would be extremely wasteful. It wasn't the brie's fault it was sent from heaven above as a sign that God loves me very, very much...

I think cheese is the reason God gave us cows, sheep & goats. It's not about the meat, I don't want to have to kill something to feel this feeling I feel when I eat cheese. I want to feel pure, like someone shared with me a very special gift.

I can see why the Israelite's in the Bible made a golden calf and worshiped it. Cows produce Gods greatest gift (2nd only to Jesus himself).

I think I have a serious problem.

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:12:49 GMT

(conversation via text message)

Tav: Ho-ly shit!
Me: Lost??
Tav: Yeah!! Now what's gonna happen since he altered the past??
Me: I don't know but I've never been in love with any man like I was with Sayid in that moment.

Strange days have found us

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:41:19 GMT

Something strange has been going on with me. Strange good, but strange. Things have been happening since the start of this year. I randomly said on New Years Eve that 2009 would be the year of truth and freedom. But turns out it wasn't random at all, it was prophetic. It's as if all of the good karma I've accumulated over my life is all being re payed and as though all of the shit I've been through is being made up for. And it's not even that mostly....I just feel different. I have such good luck it's scary. Luck that makes me feel like I'm being looked after. I don't know, this is making me sound crazy.

And I quit smoking just like THAT without any trace of a struggle. Then I decided to quit the sleeping pills I've been taking for close to 4 years and what happens? I just SLEEP, just like that. That doesn't happen to me, that has never happened to me. It's a good thing but it's kind of creeping me out.

Something is just going on, I can feel it.

I can go on and on and give examples of the weirdness but I think I'll keep it to myself. It all means a lot to me and makes life feel magical and sort of..mystical...but it also makes me sound crazy because no one believes in magic anymore. But I do, big time. Anyway :) If this is crazy then I love crazy.

Hippies

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 23:14:23 GMT

My friend Jesse has really short hair right now, has ever since I met him. But before he cut it it was long, curly, wild and AWESOME. Whenever I see pictures of him with long hair I get really upset and kind of hate him. I was looking at them just a second ago and shook my head in anger and mumbled under my breath: "You sonofabitch". I just really, really want to see him rocking out like he does on stage, only with long hair. Really.

Anyway..............

I just made a triple layer chocolate cake. It's so amazing I can't even believe I made it. It's not my recipe, obviously. I don't do desserts. But it contains 1 can of Guinness, a pound of butter and FOUR CUPS of sugar. I think I gained 2 pounds just from typing that. And now you just gained 2 pounds from reading it.

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:56:19 GMT

I just got a large dose of life today. I feel like all of a sudden Life is a giant looming over me. It has total control of everything, life does what it wants, it's a never ending moving walkway. You're on and it's going to go and go and go regardless of anything. You can't prevent it from ending, you can't stop it from going to places that sometimes seem unreal and far off. Growing old, watching your parents grow old, watching your children grow old...it's just unreal sometimes. Right now I'm overwhelmed by it (life).

Sometimes life is so wonderful that I forget that it won't always be like this. I get caught up in the beauty of it all and it slips my mind that one day it won't be what it is right now: beautiful & perfect.

Today I feel life coming at me so fast...like I'm on a bike going down hill. I want to slam my feet down onto the pavement to make it slow down but the hill is too steep. There's no slowing it, it just is, here it comes.

I'm way to empathetic to function normally, I feel things too deeply. Yes, TOO deeply. I don't think people are supposed to feel things as intensely as I do sometimes. I think my own trials and tests and experiences are intense enough, to feel other peoples pain is just too much sometimes.

So I feel frozen. Life just jumped out and screamed at me. I'm not scared, I'm just..frozen and in terrible awe. This is how I feel at the ocean sometimes. Like it's too big that I can't comprehend it. I can't stare at the ocean for too long because I feel like if I do my mind will explode, it's just too big.

I like you, but I like me more

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 22:44:56 GMT

Will you just look at this sweet face?

What a doll.

In other news: Tonight is a very exciting night. My laptop is getting a new hard drive and new memory and my stomach is getting sushi. Oh, and my rotting brain is getting Lost :(

I have been having really bizarre dreams lately. Billy Reed texted me and woke me up in the middle of one last night. I owe him big time, it was pretty freakin weird. I won't even repeat it, I can't even believe I told him. Usually I don't dream at all when I'm taking ambien..so I don't know. I think I'm going to quit taking it. It's just too much now. I take it all of the time, I'm not even trying to not take it anymore and that's not good. I think I'll start this weekend. If you don't hear from me for a while it means I'm really grumpy, I'd keep your distance.

I know I can do it, it's just that it's really ridiculously hard, it messes with everything. When I don't sleep I, obviously, have no energy to exercise or be social and I get super grumpy/sad and moody. And when I'm like that I don't have what I need to want to keep trying. It's just stupid. I get too scared at night. Spiritually scared, mentally scared, I don't know. I know I can do it....I just don't know if I can get to the point where I'll try. But I'll try to try, how's that.

So when I quit smoking I thought I lost my ability to sing. I just didn't feel like I sounded as good without that raspiness or whatever. But then the other day I was playing guitar & singing and I loved what I heard. I think maybe I sound better now. Who knew quitting cigarettes would actually be a positive thing for my voice ;)

I've got my own song in my head, just the chorus: "And like a rip-roarin' cowboy, into your wild-wild ocean west, just sail awaaay!"

Ok - that's all, bye!

Lord, what have I done

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:44:23 GMT

So today I'm talking to my friend about Lent, we both gave up two things (me: alcohol and cigarettes, him pasta & bread). He said maybe he'd give up booze with me and I said: "If you do I'll match you and give up 3 things too"...he accepted but then I raised it to 4 stating I'd give up pasta & bread AS WELL AS cigarettes and precious whiskey....he saw my four and gave up all things marijuana related.
Two minutes later I declared: "Did I just give up PASTA AND BREAD for 33 days??"

Why do I do these things..why??

I talked on the phone last night for a record 2 hours and 55 minutes, that's unheard of and awesome.

I think I quit smoking forever. It's been 7 days and I've not once craved a cigarette. I've even been in a bar with smoke being blowed in my face (blowed? blown?) and still didn't want one. I only just last night craved a little whiskey when Jamin & I were talking about Bushmills. I had to change the subject....33 days left to go, I shall triumph! It's pretty neat going out to see a show and not needing any money. Being a non-drinker and non-smoker is very convienent when you're broke.

Well time to go jog a few miles, peace out y'all.

Oi

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 21:20:13 GMT

I don't generally have nightmares very often but lately it's like all I'm having. Last night was crazy, actually it was this morning, I woke up at 7 then took a nap for 3 hours (hooray for being on vacation!). So it was a nap dream, those are always the weirdest for me. It's very vague, but we were at the Tea-Farm, Larry & His Flask (the band of gypsys I'm travelling with) were there in baseball uniforms and all of these fans of theirs showed up to party..also in baseball uniforms. I went up into this loft thing for some reason and when I came back they were all gone..hmm..and I was walking across the yard to the house and I heard a baby crying. I look over and there's a naked baby out in the field crying and it immediately occurred to me that this was horror movie creepy...........but I went over to it anyway, then this guy in a hat (like the one Willy gave Jesse,one of the gypsys) started walking towards me, I think he was wearing an overcoat. So I started to run because he started throwing giant meat hooks at me, geezus, then I started flying around and this other guy was throwing forks at me.........

Will & Bethany finally showed up in this pickup truck and we went to meet up with Larry & his baseball team (haha)...they're at this bar/restaurant downstairs in this mall and as we're walking down the stairs there's a mop laying there and blood EVERYWHERE, like someone was cleaning up a murder scene....

Downstairs there were two Jamins (one of the gypsys) and I didn't know which one was real....

Yea that's about it, I think I ordered the chicken strips.

It'd be nice to have pleasant dreams when I sleep considering I hardly sleep.

holy arctic summer batman

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:04:22 GMT

So I think late June/early July I'm heading off to Alaska with the gypsys I met. I talked to them Tuesday and they all really want me to go. It'll be like 3 months. Up to Alaska, across CANADA and then over to Maine and then I don't really know what route we're coming back. I would DIE if they took the south back, I want to travel the South sooooo bad.

The more I get to know these boys the more I fall deeply in love with each of them. They have the most beautiful souls. One of the guys Jesse, him and I were laying in the living room on our seperate couches after coming in at like 6am from jamming in the barn. We started talking and ended up talking until like 8:30am about love and life and truth and society..it was one of the most beautiful conversations I've ever had. If you've ever had a deep conversation with me or my sister about love and life that's EXACTLY what it was like to talk to him. I call him mine & Bethanys twin.

Later that day another of the guys, Ian, closed himself in a room and wrote a song about being here with us. One of the lines spoke of breathing in the air here is like breathing in pure love. He said something about not wanting to leave and how all of his roads lead here. They are just as much in love with us as we are of them. They want to move their trailers to Bethany & Wills property and live there with us. Everyones been referring to it as "home base".

I'm at work today but after work I'm going back down. They're in Oakland right now to do a radio show and then they're going back tonight too.

I can go on and on about them. I mean this is like I'm in love, so I just want to ramble on and on about the one I love. I imagine this is what it feels when you meet "the one". You "just know" you were meant to be, that's how we all feel about eachother. The word "magic" and "mystical" keeps getting thrown around.

I'm selling most of my crap and leaving my kickass downtown house to live in an airstream trailer and travel around in a van with gypsys. That's the absolute most awesome thing I never thought I'd ever be able to say.

I always said 2009 was the year of truth and freedom and so far that propecy has come true 110%.

*bliss*

Under Pressure

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 17:43:03 GMT

My insomnia is as awesome now as ever. I can't even bring myself to even try anymore. Last night around 7 I was talking to my dad on the phone and I realized how bored I was. I've been sick so I've just been sitting in bed working on my book, pretty much from Thursday until Saturday evening. Anyway - so he says: "Why don't you just come be sick here?" and I said: "....Um..Ok I'll be there in an hour" and was out the door in 10 minutes. I'm rambling..so...I had Rita for the night so my parents could sleep (Bethany & Will were out for the night) and she woke up around 3am so I put her on the air mattress with me. I proceed to stay awake until 6am, oh yea, and she woke up at 8. That's unheard of. Usually if I'm at my parents house I can sleep....

God anyway...I'm so overwhelmed. Happy and excited but overwhelmed. I've been looking into self-publishing and I like what I'm seeing, but in most cases I have to design it myself. And I actually like that because I know design, but that means I have to do the entire thing and that just seems...huge. Like I thought I'd just write this neat proposal and then send it off (which I'm still going to do), but I like the idea of having complete control over content and design, I don't know, I need help.

I think I need to slow down, for some reason I have it in my head I have to get this done immediately, I suppose there's no hurry. I think my hurry is I want to move on. Either start writing another one or just be free and cook for a while without this hanging over my head. I tell myself to take a break but I just can't. I was editing literally ALL DAY on Friday and stopped like at 8pm. 9 comes around and I can't even stand it, I started editing again until 3am. I wish I had money to pay someone to edit it for me.

And you know, sleeping would be nice, a good nights sleep.

So I've stopped for the night and decided to watch the Grammys. Its really chalk full of R&B and I can't stand it. The awesome thing is Robert Plant & Allison Krause are up for Grammys against all of these lame rappers & popstars and they keep winning :) Neil Diamond is singing "Sweet Caroline" now and Paul did "I Saw Her Standing There.". I wonder what its like to be the only one left, well I mean, besides Ringo :) I was watching him and I kept seeing young Paul and it was just weird to me that he's here and John & George aren't. Weird for him I mean. He was young Paul and in a band, he had no idea that he'd be at the Grammys in 2009 and two of his band members would be dead.

I'm really not as depressed as this blog makes it seem, I'm not depressed at all actually. I've been blissful and happier than ever. I can cry at the drop of a hat right now though, don't get me wrong, I'm stressed and its showing via tears. But yea...happy stress?

I wrote two songs in the past week, so thats good.

Alright that's all I have.